I’m gonna let you down
I know that now
Make you cry, I know I will
Why should you believe
I would never leave
Or that I love you still
For all the by and by
Hard as we try
The boughs breaks and the craddle falls
For everything I do
That will tear at you
Let me say I’m sorry now
excerpt from the song by Shawn Colvin
He’s back for the weekend.
Strange but it seems that once one enters/returns to the army, there is a change in sleeping habits. As if there has been a change in mode. He sleeps alot more, especially during the day. He also sleeps whenever he can, something not many will do at home. Maybe it’s in anticipation of the coming draining schedule. ~shrugZ~
But the week was not to be a typical army week for him. The beginning of the week began as above: lots of sleep alternating with the various trainings/tasks. Then sleep fled as thoughts about her snucked back into first, his dreams, then his conciousness.
- missing portion -
Will fill in the missing portion at a later time after getting some rest. Meanwhile…
Oh no… the Czechs lost to Ghana! What now?!
He was wondering what Czech Republic would do after the loss of its two important and recognised strikers in Baros and Jan Koller. Guess his question was answered (according to some, in style) by Ghana. 2-0! What happened to the confident, goal-scoring Rosicky? Or the golden hair Nedved? This was a match they were supposed to win! Now the last 16 spot is in jeopardy… HaiZ~
Hmmm… but wait, both the Czechs and the Italians can make it to the next round. If… Czech Republic win Italy 1-0 and Ghana is bogged down by USA in a goalless draw, Czechs and Italians can all celebrate. So can he! Lol~
Next Italy.
Yes, he can finally strike one off his wishlist now.
He first saw this watch after he was directed to Chronograph.com. After browsing through tons of pages, he stumbled across this piece, a Seiko Military Automatic (not sure what is the correct term really). It’s not the same as Sihan’s Timex but in a way, he prefers the simple watchface and the overall look. Looking at it, he decided that he has to have it. That was maybe… 3-4 months ago?
3-4 months later, he bought it, albeit with help from Marcus. Dream come true! Lalala~ Nice?
After all that had transpired during these brief two days, he has something to say to another 2 people:
You missed out on at least 17 years of my life,
Do you presume that I will share with you the rest?
窗外阴天了 音乐低声了
我的心开始想你了
灯光也暗了 音乐低声了
口中的棉花糖也融化了
窗外阴天了 人是无聊了
我的心开始想你了
电话响起了 你要说话了
还以为你心里对我又想念了
怎么你声音变得冷淡了
是你变了 是你变了
灯光熄灭了 音乐静止了
滴下的眼泪已停不住了
天下起雨了 人是不快乐
我的心真的受伤了
电话响起了 你要说话了
还以为你心里对我又想念了
怎么你声音变得冷淡了
是你变了 是你变了
灯光熄灭了 音乐静止了
滴下的眼泪已停不住了
天下起雨了 人是不快乐
我的心真的受伤了
我的心真的受伤了
He spent the whole of yesterday working at a magazine distribution center in an attempt to work his mind off things. It sort of worked… The soreness of his hands coupled with the papercuts managed to do that for a while, but during break times the other pain came back. So he tried to work without a break. It worked.
He went home after that, showered and sat down in front of his desk. He turned on his player, set it on shuffle and just chilled out. Then this song played… 我真的受伤了 normally performed by Jackie Cheung. Except this version of the song is sang by a girl, Ivana Wong. The song by itself is already a very sad song. Couple the melancholic voice of Ivana, what you get is doubled impact. And he thought about him and her. And realised that 他变了…
Wow, heart pain… Finally, a day after it happened. And to think he was the one who brought it up.
He has been thinking about it for the whole day it seems. Things they’ve done together kept flashing in his cluttered mind. That was when he realised that actually nothing much had been done. It did not lessen the guilt but, in fact, intensified it.
So now, the compiled list of emotions felt as of now:
Sad, pained, angry, pissed, stoned, blue, regretful, remorseful, spaced out, nightmarish, tired, drained, at a loss, confused, concussed, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty… (okae, some aren’t really emotions but you get the idea)
He went out tonight to meet Gwen and GY for dinner and to try out the watch. Didn’t really want to go because of the aforementioned incident. But there wasn’t really a choice – he owed her? Or because he promised her? In the end, he didn’t really enjoyed it as much (something would be wrong if he did, I think). He tried out the watch first at Vincent’s, then at another watch shop (cannot recall the name). The watch is fine but the price is a tad too expensive. According to Marcus, the watch could be bought for less than a hundred. The lowest discounted is $131.00/-. Now he’s thinking of getting it from Chronograph.com for US$75.00.
He’s still thinking about the incident now, probably won’t be able to sleep tonight. Ah well… 3 more hours before he has to get ready for work anyway. No point sleeping. Not with this plethora of “emotions” to feel.
He did something very very bad. Now he is feeling very very bad. Not that it matters anyway. What’s done is done; a billion “Sorry”s wouldn’t mend anything.
Things that bring her joy, others can give to her.
Things that cause her hurt, only he can do to her.
