Archive for the ‘Melancholic’ Category

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Bad Day

October 24, 2006

The earlier part of the yesterday (Monday) was terrible. He woke up early only to recall that this week is the E-Learning week. There are no classes! Argh, the precious sleep. Plus the argument on Sunday night. His mood was really bad. The bad mood carried on to the evening tuition (the focus for this post).

He did try to be as nice and patient as possible. But he was greeted by nonchalence. Argh… After 15 minutes he had enough. The boy picked the wrong day. Because he can’t walked out on the tuition like a few weeks ago (unprofessional, unethical and not to mention that the father is just sitting in the living room), he had to resort to other means. Repetition. Hmm… at first he didn’t know repeating something over and over again will be effective; he hoped that making the boy repeat will cause him to be irritated and in turn, regret being nonchalent. Evaluation of the method, education-wise, showed that it served no purpose. The boy still refuses to think. He had to guide him like he guided his primary 1 sister.

However, the thirst for “revenge” was partially sated towards the end of the tuition. Then he saw the boy’s wet eyes… Uh oh… Then his father came and blew his top (at his son). By this time, the boy’s tears were flowing freely. He felt so guilty that he just let him finished the tuition after one last question (the original intention was the completion of about 5 more?). Enough torture for one night, he guessed.

Guilty… Afterall, he’s just a primary 5 student. How different is he from a bully?

Excuses: “But he keep missing the key information of the questions! He should repeat the question so that he can spot them!”, “He just come up with some imaginary number to any question or pop the ‘invincible’ answer: ‘Don’t know.’”

HaiZ~ He just ain’t cut out to be a teacher. A teacher shouldn’t let his/her emotions take control. A teacher should be patient! Everything that he is not.

HaiZ~

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black cloudie

September 13, 2006

Don’t really feel like blogging anymore.

-deleted-

Probably the last post in a while. Enjoy your life.

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Funerals

September 13, 2006

Funerals are sad. But everyone probably knows it.

He attended a funeral yesterday, one of those traditional chinese kind. The deceased was a close family friend cum ex-neighbour. They didn’t really talk much throughout their lives due to the language barrier; He doesn’t speak fluent dialect. The only times they met after his grandpa died were the annual Chinese New Year visits.

Bemusing then why he felt so sad at the funeral yesterday. Maybe it was the sight of his wife (he is much closer to her actually). She seemed to be her usual self, but the eyes… the eyes were so different. He thought that she almost wept when she told him that she didn’t had the chance to be there at the last breath. Certainly, all her thoughts were still on her husband and she was still very much affected. She is a strong woman and he sincerely hopes she will stay strong.

Suddenly ran out of words…

So he’ll just end off with this:

Funerals are sad.

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Neverending Wait

September 10, 2006

He just felt like posting this. This is his first poem, written during his army days. No significance as to timing. He just wanted to start transferring his Fictionpress stuff over before he forgets his password again. Anyway…

Neverending Wait

There beneath the starlit sky,
upon grey grass you did lie.
Enthralled by the velvet night,
your eyes were lost in sea of lights.
Words you sang were soft and sweet,
yet a sadness tinged them deep;
For cruel gods have given thee
a hope, a love, never to be.

O maiden beneath unnumbered stars,
gracing the dark night everlast.
Lying upon soft grey grass,
there you clutched your aching heart.
Hidden behind a veil of lace,
tears streamed down your fair white face.
Sighing as you tossed and turned
waiting in vain for his return.

© Copyright 2003 cloudie. All rights reserved. Distribution of any kind is prohibited without the written consent of cloudie.

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Liar, liar. Pants on Fire.

August 28, 2006

Sometimes he wonder if he is just lying to himself. Being so accustomed to lies and lying, he can’t seem to differentiate the truth from the untruth anymore. But that is just him. So…

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Cui

August 9, 2006

Near to/on the 2nd month anniversary, bad things start to come in swarms. Maybe there is really such a thing as Karma. Anyway, if there are 5 things to describe what our little protagonist is feeling now, they are:

  • messed up
  • remorseful
  • hypocritical
  • blue
  • cui

By the way, “cui” roughly means broken beyond any hope of repair. May be wrong though. And because of all these, he takes back everything he had said yesternight.

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我真的受伤了

June 10, 2006

窗外阴天了 音乐低声了

我的心开始想你了

灯光也暗了 音乐低声了

口中的棉花糖也融化了

窗外阴天了 人是无聊了

我的心开始想你了

电话响起了 你要说话了

还以为你心里对我又想念了

怎么你声音变得冷淡了

是你变了 是你变了

灯光熄灭了 音乐静止了

滴下的眼泪已停不住了

天下起雨了 人是不快乐

我的心真的受伤了

电话响起了 你要说话了

还以为你心里对我又想念了

怎么你声音变得冷淡了

是你变了 是你变了

灯光熄灭了 音乐静止了

滴下的眼泪已停不住了

天下起雨了 人是不快乐

我的心真的受伤了

我的心真的受伤了

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Pain

June 10, 2006

He spent the whole of yesterday working at a magazine distribution center in an attempt to work his mind off things. It sort of worked… The soreness of his hands coupled with the papercuts managed to do that for a while, but during break times the other pain came back. So he tried to work without a break. It worked.

He went home after that, showered and sat down in front of his desk. He turned on his player, set it on shuffle and just chilled out. Then this song played… 我真的受伤了 normally performed by Jackie Cheung. Except this version of the song is sang by a girl, Ivana Wong. The song by itself is already a very sad song. Couple the melancholic voice of Ivana, what you get is doubled impact. And he thought about him and her. And realised that 他变了…

Wow, heart pain… Finally, a day after it happened. And to think he was the one who brought it up.

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Lost

June 9, 2006

He has been thinking about it for the whole day it seems. Things they’ve done together kept flashing in his cluttered mind. That was when he realised that actually nothing much had been done. It did not lessen the guilt but, in fact, intensified it.

So now, the compiled list of emotions felt as of now:

Sad, pained, angry, pissed, stoned, blue, regretful, remorseful, spaced out, nightmarish, tired, drained, at a loss, confused, concussed, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty… (okae, some aren’t really emotions but you get the idea)

He went out tonight to meet Gwen and GY for dinner and to try out the watch. Didn’t really want to go because of the aforementioned incident. But there wasn’t really a choice – he owed her? Or because he promised her? In the end, he didn’t really enjoyed it as much (something would be wrong if he did, I think). He tried out the watch first at Vincent’s, then at another watch shop (cannot recall the name). The watch is fine but the price is a tad too expensive. According to Marcus, the watch could be bought for less than a hundred. The lowest discounted is $131.00/-. Now he’s thinking of getting it from Chronograph.com for US$75.00.

He’s still thinking about the incident now, probably won’t be able to sleep tonight. Ah well… 3 more hours before he has to get ready for work anyway. No point sleeping. Not with this plethora of “emotions” to feel.

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Reprobate

June 8, 2006

He did something very very bad. Now he is feeling very very bad. Not that it matters anyway. What’s done is done; a billion “Sorry”s wouldn’t mend anything.

Things that bring her joy, others can give to her.
Things that cause her hurt, only he can do to her.