This blog is now defunct. The author of this fictional diary has decided to shift to another location.

Thanks for the support, and apologies for the late notice (almost a year after the shift).

Found an old song among his discs by S Club 7. “Have You Ever”. Yea, that’s ought to be a lifetime ago. But it’s not bad really.

“Sometimes it’s just wrong to walk away…” Suddenly he was reminded again. It’s different somehow. After everything. A few weeks ago, looking back, he realised how wrong he really was. It’s not that he didn’t know he was wrong but he chose not to admit it. And gosh, admitting mistakes, even to yourself, is really tough.

After that realisation, he was determined to apologise with the full knowledge of what he has done wrong. Something like the list in “My Name Is Earl”. So the first apology went straight to his parents. Didn’t really solve everything right away but it’s a start really. So began a long period of “feel-good”-ness. (He’s still feeling good even after the dreadful paper on wednesday – he just needed a run to clear it off his head.)

It doesn’t end there; there are still people he needs to apologise to. And he’s gonna do it after his last paper next friday. Even though the timings for these apologies are way off, he hopes, at the very least, that he ends them by doing something right for a change.

Have You Ever – S Club 7

Sometimes it’s wrong to walk away
Though you think it’s over
Knowing there’s so much more to say
Suddenly the moment’s gone
And all your dreams are upside down
And you just wanna change the way the world goes round

Tell me
Have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wish there was a chance to say I’m sorry
Can’t you see?
That’s the way I feel about you and me, baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin’ down the road you should be taking
I should know
‘Cause I loved and lost the day
I let you go

Can’t help but think that this is wrong
We should be together
Back in your arms where I belong
Now I finally realize, it was forever that I’d found
I’d give it all to change the way the world goes round

Tell me
Have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wish there was a chance to say I’m sorry
Can’t you see?
That’s the way I feel about you and me, baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin’ down the road you should be taking
I should know (I should know)
‘Cause I loved and lost the day
I let you go

I really wanna hear you say
That you know just how it feels
To have it all and let it slip away
Can’t you see?
Even though the moment’s gone
I’m still holding on somehow
Wishing I could change the way the world goes round

Tell me
Have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wish there was a chance to say I’m sorry (I’m sorry)
Can’t you see?
That’s the way I feel about you and me, baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin’ down the road you should be taking I should know (I should know)
‘Cause I loved and lost the day I let…
Yes, I loved and lost the day I let…
Yes, I loved and lost the day I let you go

Wonder when he will ever get to know this person. This person for whom he is willing to die for. To all of you peeps out there, cherish that person, yeah? The one thing that is worse than dying for someone is losing him/her.

Hmm… talk too much liao~ Anyways, here’s…

Someone To Die For – Jimmy Gnecco

Before you landed
I had a will but didn’t know what it could do
You were abandoned and still your handing out what you don’t want to lose
You make me drop things like all the plans I had for a life without you

Someone to die for
Someone to fall into when the world goes dark
Someone to die for
Someone to tear a hole in this endless night
Someone…like you

I’m drunk when sober
the room is spinning
you are what I hold onto

You’re taking over
I find that giving in is the best that I can do

Someone to die for
Someone to fall into when the world goes dark
Someone to die for
Someone to tear a hole in this endless night
Someone…like you

(Guitar riff)

Someone to die for
Someone to die for
Someone to die
Someone…
Someone…
Someone…

Someone to die for
Someone to fall into when the world goes dark
Someone to die for
Someone to tear a hole in this endless night
Someone…
Someone like you

Thanks Xiaobin and Beth for the late-night softball session! He really enjoyed it. Especially after finding out that he has improved and even possess the potential to pitch (can pitch).

Softball is fun! Wished more people are interested though… The Hall’s guys softball team is so far gone. What a pity. And he was hoping to play full games… Is it really true that guys aren’t meant to play softball ‘cos of all the waiting?

Nevertheless, he enjoyed himself tonight.

Yes, even the numb palm.

The earlier part of the yesterday (Monday) was terrible. He woke up early only to recall that this week is the E-Learning week. There are no classes! Argh, the precious sleep. Plus the argument on Sunday night. His mood was really bad. The bad mood carried on to the evening tuition (the focus for this post).

He did try to be as nice and patient as possible. But he was greeted by nonchalence. Argh… After 15 minutes he had enough. The boy picked the wrong day. Because he can’t walked out on the tuition like a few weeks ago (unprofessional, unethical and not to mention that the father is just sitting in the living room), he had to resort to other means. Repetition. Hmm… at first he didn’t know repeating something over and over again will be effective; he hoped that making the boy repeat will cause him to be irritated and in turn, regret being nonchalent. Evaluation of the method, education-wise, showed that it served no purpose. The boy still refuses to think. He had to guide him like he guided his primary 1 sister.

However, the thirst for “revenge” was partially sated towards the end of the tuition. Then he saw the boy’s wet eyes… Uh oh… Then his father came and blew his top (at his son). By this time, the boy’s tears were flowing freely. He felt so guilty that he just let him finished the tuition after one last question (the original intention was the completion of about 5 more?). Enough torture for one night, he guessed.

Guilty… Afterall, he’s just a primary 5 student. How different is he from a bully?

Excuses: “But he keep missing the key information of the questions! He should repeat the question so that he can spot them!”, “He just come up with some imaginary number to any question or pop the ‘invincible’ answer: ‘Don’t know.’”

HaiZ~ He just ain’t cut out to be a teacher. A teacher shouldn’t let his/her emotions take control. A teacher should be patient! Everything that he is not.

HaiZ~

It’s raining now. And hazy too. Two things that reflect his mood and thoughts. Slack (rain allows one to slack), thoughtful (slacking allows one time to think) and clouded (thinking fills one with conflicting thoughts hence leading to a clouded head). Anyhows, he had no mood to study for his NIE quiz. Not in this stormy weather. But he’s bored. So he came up with a “meaningless” poem.

A Dream

I have woken from a dream -
T’was a dream of a big rain tree,
And little birds underneath,
Singing away silently.

© Copyright 2006 cloudie. All rights reserved. Distribution of any kind is prohibited without the written consent of cloudie.

Boo! Something is bothering him. He thought he finally cleared away the encircling mist of doubt already. He thought he already made a decision. Why can’t he sleep??? Boo! Something is robbing his sleep and he isn’t clear as to what it is. Boo! Boo! Boo!

Anyway, he’s looking forward to Sunday’s dim sum. Hope it’s good.

He drove into a big bus depot yesterday. What? Of course it’s an accident. Well, he thought it was the entrance to the carpark. So hmm… He thinks he’s the only person in recent history to drive a 1000cc vehicle into an underground bus depot. And he was still wondering why the taxis behind him didn’t follow him. Until he saw the buses and the queues.

“Oh shit.”

 He certainly hopes that there is no camera catching everything on film. Not after he just received a advisory letter from the traffic police for speeding. (PS: It’s weird, he couldn’t have sped on the road in question. It’s bloody, bloody congested at that specified time of the day. And you catch a car driving at 70km/h on a 60km/h road? Hell, why don’t you catch those driving at 110km/h on a 90km/h road?! @#!@%#@$@%##!# Besides, he didn’t think he used the car that fateful day?)

Stupid traffic police. The whole system is just weird. In fact, he noticed a lot of oddities in the Singapore system lately, like locks on emergency buttons, speaker corners in obscure places, trade unions trying to make members bankrupt. Uniquely him, uniquely Singapore.

Ummm, know it’s not March, or even night. But he was clearing his old folders when he spotted his favorite self-written poem, titled Night of March. As ever, it’s written for no one. So don’t start the speculations (of which there seem to be plenty of these days). So without further ado…

Night of March

There beneath the starfilled night,
bathing in the soft moonlight,
we sat upon a mat of grass,
among sweet scented flowers of March.
A wind blew out from the East,
driving away encircling mist,
leaving us enthralled and awed,
by the fairness of this hour.

Yet in this cool night of March,
as our bodies closed and touched,
a beauty I beheld next to me,
fairer than all that I have seen.
Under the starfilled night we sat,
in this moment we alone shared,
listening to the sighing wind,
stroking, feeling, skin on skin.

In your eyes I saw my own,
by your touch I found me warmth.
You set my once cold heart ablaze,
melting the walls long set in place.
Your words resounded in my head,
losing meaning along the way.
But your caress said it all,
like it always did before.

Even now we share our love,
as we gaze at stars above.
Drawing closer, my lips sought yours,
as my arms behind you crossed.
Heart to heart, our souls as joined,
Witnessed by night’s silver coin.
Letting go of our lonely pasts,
Embracing each other everlast.

© Copyright 2003 cloudie. All rights reserved. Distribution of any kind is prohibited without the written consent of cloudie.

Alright, it isn’t something really news now. People are used to seeing the haze every single day. So much so that not seeing it IS news. As everyone knows, the haze is caused by the ”slash-and-burn” activities of the Indonesian farmers. It’s a very fast way to clear and create fertile lands, albeit with a shortlived nature. Now, tons of people are condemning these folks for causing them health problems, financial problems (cannot go work cause of haze), eating problems (cannot go out eat cause of haze), social problems (cannot go East Coast Park and look at girls cause the haze blurs the vision) etc. etc. etc. etc. and etc. Hmm… interestingly, a lot of clubs/pub have atmospheres that would hit at least 150 on the Pollutant Standards Index.

Regional ministers, grassroot leaders and people in general are calling the Indonesian government to do something about it. To the slash-and-burn farmers, “STOP burning! You are killing me slowly (softly?)!” Hahz~ Take my breath away~ (pun intended) “So inconsiderate!” they griped.

It was then that something occurred to him. Why should the farmers listen to you? They are breathing in the same smoke. If they don’t even care about their health, why would they care about yours? Moreover, slash-and-burn is really cheap and fast! Economic rewards, though short-termed, are abound for these farmers. Think of it this way: will you give up money for the sake of someone living a sea away from you? He doesn’t think these farmers have some grand ideas about saving the Earth and protecting Mother Nature from the filth of human habitation. All that matters to them is how to make sure that they have things to eat the next few days. Alright, maybe some of them do, but they are making very good efforts at hiding them.

And they are not the only ones being inconsiderate. Even in daily life, you see that inconsideration manifests. People not giving up their seats to others who need it more. Guys blasting their boomers/hi-fis/etc. etc. late at night. Girls screaming in laughter at the same time. A certain XXXXXX not flushing the stupid toilet bowl. So everyone has the capacity for inconsiderate and has done something inconsiderate before. So what right do we have to brand these farmers as inconsiderate? Pot calling the kettle black?

Of course, that is not to say we should just let them burn yeah? He doesn’t want to smell smoke everyday either. Instead of griping, people should find solutions. Solutions, not gripings, solve problems. And the haze certainly looks like a big problem.

So until the smog is gone, it’s…

Haze Singapore!